I guess doing as many weddings as I have over the years should have taught me to always expect the unexpected and that some people will strive to prove they can still shock me, even if I don’t believe it so.
I pulled my car in through the grand gates of this beautiful venue and the security guard directed me to where I should park for the wedding. Upon entering the foyer of the hotel I quickly saw the bride through the windows on the back of the hotel, posing for pictures with her photographer. The coordinator was running to and fro and trying to get last minute details taken care of, so I went to the front desk and asked if they knew where the groom would be. Moments later a concierge motioned for me to come to his station and gave me the suite number when I might find the groom and his groomsmen.
Heading up the elevators to the floor where the groom’s suite was located, I looked over my notes, practiced saying his last name, and made some subtle changes that I thought would make the ceremony flow more smoothly. When I reached the door I knocked and no one answered. I knocked a second time and through the blaring music I could hear some say “Get the #$%! Door, will ya.” At that point I stepped back and the door swung open to reveal one of the groomsmen standing there in his grey tuxedo jacket, shirt, vest, and nothing else. He invited me in, but I told them that I would be glad to come in once they put on their britches and that the wedding was about to start.
Just a few moments later and the door opened again, the men were dressed and I went in to speak with the groom. Once I entered the suite the groom asked me if I would like something to drink and pointed to the bar. Thinking I might grab a bottle of water I headed over there and the best man told me “Hey, we’ve got the good stuff over here.” I grabbed a bottle of water and turned around to see the men drinking from tall mason jars. Moonshine! A friend had brought those down from North Carolina for the groom the night before and the groomsmen had been hitting the sauce since about ten in the morning (it was now a quarter past four in the afternoon.)
I hurried the groomsmen to finish getting ready and led them down to the hallway where they would walk to the ceremony site. Lots of laughter, jokes, and stories flowed as freely as the moonshine had earlier. Once the parents were seated the groom and his groomsmen followed me out onto the event lawn and the ceremony began.
It was during a particularly quiet part of the ceremony (a moment of silence for a loved one) that one of the groomsmen decided that he wanted to say something. In hindsight, I don’t think that he was speaking I think it was the moonshine. All inhibitions aside the groomsman blurted out “Isn’t that the most #$%!n beautiful couple you have ever seen,” at the top of his lungs. The bride teared up, the groom turned blood red, and I stood there trying not to let my jaw drop open. He then proceeded to tell everyone present how “hot” the bride and groom were and what the sight of them was doing to part of his male anatomy.
Some gasped, some frowned, others laughed, and I interrupted to get us back on track.
As the ceremony ended and the bridesmaids and groomsmen came together to walk down the aisle, this particular groomsman was paired with a young lady that towered above him and twice his size. He extended his arm to her and she reached around his entire torso and carried him down the aisle and through the French doors. Once inside the doors the wedding party usually turns a hard left to stay away from the rest of the guests. When this “couple” made the left, the bridesmaid threw the young man on the ground and proceeded to stomp him, like a bull at a rodeo.
And it all happened down the aisle.